I was talking to a coworker today, who is a junior in highschool, and i was asking her what she wants to do as a career. She rattled out a couple im not sures, there's too many choices among a couple of ideas, but nonetheless was completely blank. I laughed at myself because i realized she reminded me of myself. Just too many opportunities, too many choices, way too little time to fit in being a flight attendant, dog breeder, fashion extraordinaire, academy award winner, novelist, cosmetologist, kindergarten teacher, part of the CIA, and the list goes on.... Yes i have wanted to have a career in each and every one of these amazing jobs, NOT including being a wife , mother, house owner, being established in a church, and owning as many animals as humanely possible without looking too much like a freak. Hence the reason for this blog.
I admire people sooo much that are able to pick just one of these careers and that's it. They go with it. FOREVER. Its amazing. I am just not sure if i am able to do that. Not that i don't want to, because i do. I so terribly want to pick out one career, go for it, and be proud of myself. I have this hole in my heart that makes me feel like a piece of something is missing because im not going to school and i don't have that career driven path on my little checklist. Not because i cant, not because i don't want to, simply because i cant figure out what i want to do. Alot of people say your young , you have plenty of time to figure that out. But nope. Lifes too short. I really don't.
Husband- check
Starting a family- check
Building our dream home- on its way :) (half check)
Career- no check
See im missing this on my list. I get boggled sometimes because i have a HORRIBLE habit of dwindling in the past, like i was accepted into the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandise for Beauty Merchandising and Marketing, with a teeny tiny scholarship, BUT living in LA is wayyyy too expensive for this gals budget, hence not in Gods plans. Then i moved to Maryland and was given a job at the prettiest salon Ive ever seen and actually got to apprentice there, meaning i got cosmetology school for free because of some amazing women. But i did not finish that apprenticeship, i got married to the man of my dreams, and frankly i needed to make more mula and didn't feel like i was meant to be there anymore. If you couldn't tell im a go by the gut feeling type of girl. This is where i get all mixed up in my emotions because i was very good at what i did there, but the passion wasn't there. So that still leaves me so confused. I really just want to do what God has planned for me, and because he gave me those talents, did he want me there. But i feel like if im not happy then im supposed to move on, and God wouldn't want me there. Still not sure about that one. Since then i have gone a couple different routes, the office jobs and the childcare jobs, both not my dreams either.
But GOOD NEWS i know what i want to do as my dream, not going to say it yet, see for this plan to actually happen, its a down the road type thing, like 5 to 10 years type thing. But its on my mind constantly to start this up. Like ALL THE TIME. So i cant wait until that day comes. But in the mean time what do i do? Its a constant struggle to figure out what exactly God wants me to do or where he wants me to go in my career path. Its nice to have a dream but to be honest its hard to not lose hope because im the type of person that wants it NOW. lol, Patience is sure annoying.
But i hope some of you can relate, that it truly is hard narrowing that search of so many fun opportunities at hand, yet trying to figure out which door God wants you to take. I have to say though that writing this is not about career over family type thing. Believe me, i have had certain people tell me getting married was a mistake, careers should come first then marriage, then the baby in a baby carriage, hehe (had to add that in ) , but Ive learned through those people that they just need to worry about themselves, because God is looking out for me and my decisions and when i look back on everything im happy i made the choices i made because being married is one of Gods greatest blessings, having a growing baby in my belly is an even bigger blessing. But having this love with God that i get to share with Kenny and Serenity everyday, thats a dream that is truly God given.
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